Saturday, December 27, 2008


The loud alarm clock wakes me up from a very deep sleep. I feel I've been dreaming prior to waking up. I try hard to remember what I was dreaming about.

I felt like I was dreaming of a whole week. A very quiet Saturday, a music practice on Sunday that bared the sad news of the passing of an aunt, a stormy Monday, a traffic-driven Tuesday, playing music at Church on Wednesday, Christmas meals on Thursday, and being at the funeral home for most of Friday.

That was one heck of a long dream. I then think to myself that I have to start to open an eye so I can, eventually after what would seem like I would need a lot of effort, get up and go to work. If the alarm clock was set it was for work. Simple logic.

I was feeling glad that I dreamt so much and that I only had one more day before my Holiday vacation. I eventually gather up the strength to open one eye. I was facing my alarm clock. I suddently froze, confused. My digital alarm clock at my apartment displays blue numbers. This one is green. It's only then I realized that the whole week I thought I dreamt about wasn't a dream afterall. I was home.

Another day at the funeral home and the funeral mass was set for today. At the funeral home where my aunt was exposed, I was sitting there, motion-less. Staring in front of me. The cacophony of all the people talking was at a level right above white noise in terms of hypnotic-harmony. Time passed fast, but how fast is it really when everything feels like an eternity?

Then it's the final goodbye before they close the casket. Even my own emotions were putting me in an hypnotic state. "Relief" that she no longer has to suffer and "pain" from the sadness that I will no longer be able to see her or hear her laugh; both spinning inside of me, like the swirl of an ice-cream machine.

The day is already at an end. Eternity has passed. The hypnotic spell of the whole day is almost gone. Today, time, thoughts, emotions, dream, and reality have all blurred together.